Are Homeschooled Kids Weird?

I currently host a weekly teen drawing group at my studio, which of course includes Tal, since drawing is one of his passions, and he's finally a bonafide pre-teen. They're not all homeschooled, but definitely a bunch of free-spirited and creative kids (no wonder, when you remember they love art enough to ask their parents to put them in this rather quirky and serious mentoring situation). This is what makes the group such a success - open-minded kids and a willingness to explore.

And mostly, they make me happy.

Here's a photo from yesterday's drawing group. I had the kids sitting opposite each other working with charcoal to explore the lines and shadows of each other's faces in their sketchbooks. I suggested they try drawing with their fingers instead of straight charcoal sticks.

The boy on the left is 13; Tal is the youngest, at 10 and there were 3 girls sitting around the table, as well. And I said "you don't necessarily need to be drawing a whole face; you could just play with it. Like only work with the nose, for example."

And the boy on the left said "Only draw with our nose?"

To which I of course smiled, and said "whatever you like!" And he did. And so did Tal. Great hilarity and smudging of charcoal ensued, and they made lovely portraits of each other, while some of the girls looked on, perplexed, and one created the blackest hands possible. The boys discovered that chins are a particularly useful drawing tool to get the texture of hair. This was only this group's second drawing session, but I can see we're going to do fabulous things!!


Then this morning I was sent this article from a fellow homeschooling parent: "Are Homeschooled Kids Weird?"


It's a great, simple article, and I do think it's an important subject. My son is no stranger to criticism, having chosen to wear his hair long and loose throughout his life. It's mostly adults who malign him for it; kids just mistake him for a girl and then apologize when they're corrected. Adults often tell him he should cut his hair or actually refuse to believe he's a boy (yes! multiple times!). So he's exceedingly careful how much of his weirdness he lets show. My daughter, on the other hand, is totally unbridled in her creativity, going shirtless in the city, taking giant flailing leaps in her Irish dancing class, while everyone else stands stiffly at attention, and flatly telling her friends about the various social conventions that just don't concern her. I love that she's proud of her uniqueness, but this isn't about self-esteem. This is about evolution.

Simply, how can we expect to evolve if we are just following the status quo? How can we dance with ingenuity if we are chasing pre-defined success or expectations? Nobody expects ingenuity; it just is. And I hope more of us are open to this crazy dance, to popping open these gifts of the unexpected and letting them mess up our plans!

Helium as microcosm for human civilization: WHEN WILL ENOUGH OF US CARE?

I bought helium balloons for Rhiannon's birthday, at $2+/ea, knowing full well that it wasn't a green option for a planet that is fast running out of helium, due in part to our wanton releasing of it into the atmosphere for party traditions. It actually has some important medical uses. But I didn't care. I knew it would make Rhiannon happy, so I bought it. $35 worth. I ignored my green conscience. One of the mothers at the party said "What? You can still get helium balloons?" I felt really embarrassed, but the kids were thrilled.

The kids lost 2 of the balloons at the party, and we all talked about where we've seen tree-stranded helium balloon pieces in the past, and found bits of them around the island and on the beaches. We know birds eat them, but... meh. The helium companies claim that they only cause a problem for wildlife if they eat them inflated, which they don't. I can tell you from our experience with our rubber-consuming cat that, no, they most certainly do cause problems for animals who eat just pieces of them. Her twisted, torn, and ruptured intestines were testament to that. And the $1800.00 in vet bills to save her life. Wildlife doesn't get medical coverage.

This is the point: I, who generally try to be thoughtful in my choices, still just ignored these issues to give my daughter the fun party she wished for. It is going to take some serious promotion from retailers to get earth's fun-hungry consumers to stop consuming helium for parties. Toy stores and party suppliers are going to have to promote some alternatives. But do they care? Do we? Will we run out of helium for emergency purposes before the wealthy suburban mothers like me start to give a shit?

I got this article, today: http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-19676639

What about the other things we're consuming? What about the devastating ruin that constitutes many of our social systems and culture, now? When will we care enough to stand and make the changes we know are necessary?

Although many people are supportive, and make similar choices to ours, some still laugh at me or twist their eyebrows for the small things I do, like eating whole grains, and GMO-free/medication-free, not vaccinating my kids, not giving or receiving gifts for Christmas and parties, unschooling my kids and spending lots of time in the wilderness. And yet I know, that for all these things seem crazy, they're puny. Any serious change is going to take a total cultural withdrawal from the consumerist lifestyle that is the backbone of most of our civilization. Are we ready? Do we care enough?

*******
Back to small suburban changes... here are some ideas for helium balloon substitutes for decorating parties and sending home as favours*:

• Slingers (Dutch for garlands) are fabulous: home-made flag-lines made by folding a diamond or other shape over a string or ribbon and painting colourfully. If you make them with wallpaper scraps or upholstery fabric they are very durable and can last for generations. Similarly, the expandable tissue-paper garlands commonly available from Chinese stores are less durable, but with some care can still last a generation or two. And with time and patience you can make these yourself, too!
• Any gift of homemade sweets, decorations, bracelets, etc. that can be a gift from the birthday-child to his/her friends. 

*I edited this list - originally I had some other store-bought options for party-favours, until I realized that, if we're going to change our ways, we need to do a better job than that. Why give out consumable store-bought merchandise, or decorate with disposable paper products, when that is part of the problem. It's why we have a policy in our family of no gifts, but then we shouldn't be committing the crime in the other direction, ourselves. So I took them off the list. Only remaining are those things I feel are acceptable in a conscious world.

Epic Surprise Party

We pulled it off. It was so epic it was almost unbelievable. Here's what we did:

Firstly, some time ago Rhiannon confided in me that she really wanted a wizard party, but thought it was inappropriate, because she'd already had two, in her short lifetime. But still... it was what she wanted. And we left it at that.

Secondly, Rhiannon had been planning a "Welcome to Autumn Party" for over a month. She created the "Have Fun Palace" in a corner of the yard, complete with signs and various supplies for particular events at the party she planned. She made a treasure hunt and a box of "treasure" (candies), and a string of "prizes" selected from her less treasured possessions to give to her intended guests. And she made a guest list.

"Can I see that?" There were 14 children on the list. All of them were treasured friends. Not a single one had yet been invited, because a date had not been set. So of course I quickly contacted the parents to ensure that at least most of them could make a very short-notice surprise wizard party. They were to come dressed as wizards or witches, and were asked to bring a home-made card and a wizard-spell to cast on Rhiannon instead of a physical gift.

On Sunday morning I asked Rhiannon to set up her "Welcome to Autumn Party" so she could try it out with the family before inviting her friends. She did. And how many people did she set up for? Why, 12, of course! And why, I asked her, did she choose that number when there are only 4 in the family? She didn't know. Then Markus took Rhiannon out for an "impromptu" picnic...

Taliesin and Nana quickly made a party site out of a lovely area of the yard, set up some infrastructure, decorated, prepared balloons, etc. all while I hurriedly made a vibrantly blue wizard-hat cake. Yes really we managed this in 3 hours!

Then a flurry of magic folk (yes of course that's a technical term) were dropped off by their parents, and we hid ourselves in the bushes, trying various distractions to pass the time, and quiet the baby who seemed to have plenty to say...

Until Rhiannon arrived.

"What's Mama doing over there?" She says she was worried they shouldn't look, in case I was planning her party, but she never suspected there was anybody there. She came down to check it out and found a sign painted by her brother: "RHIANNON'S FANTASTIC WIZARDING CEREMONY". We waited for her to say "Huh?!", as we knew she would, and then...

Shock, excitement and a bit of disbelief...

Surrounded by wizards and witches. That blue thing in front of her is her wizard costume laid out for her to put on.

The kids each gave her magic spells as gifts, along with their home-made cards. Some of the spells were about friendship, some wishes for health and happiness, and some consisted purely of incomprehensible wizard-speak!!

But who is that strange wizard coming down the driveway? It's Weederman of the West!! He had been to a previous wizard party, two years ago, so some of the kids knew him, but some were mystified and a a little nervous...

Weederman of the West brought a special potion to demonstrate to the kids... it consisted of a tube of magical Mentos and a bottle of...

...OK Di.     Yes you read that right. That bottle says "OK Di". "But", the kids wanted to know, "you drink that stuff???" "No no of course not", Weederman replied. "Would you drink something that was labeled OK Die?" And besides, when he did his experiment it proved to be rather explosive. (I'll insert a video here when I get it uploaded.) But, after shooting most of the OK Di off in the experiment, Weederman took a (fake) swig...

...and died.  After some initial concern and magic revival spells, the younger wizards and witches took the oppotunity to jump all over him. Because really -- that is what uncles are for. Oh - did I say that? I mean that is what wizards are for.

Then the kids tried some potions of their own. We provided flasks and other receptacles, a book of potions (Thank you, Tanya!) and all the necessary ingredients to make them. They tried out a couple of the recipes, and then had a free-for-all with the ingredients, making all sorts of oozing and bubbling concoctions.

Cooperative games time!!! After potions we played musical mats. This is like musical chairs, except that in any type of musical chairs at our house, those who don't find a chair (or mat) must sit on the other participants! At the end they all pile on top of the musician (who awaits his fate with happy anticipation!)

Amoeba tag! Large amoebic multi-bodied life-forms chase each other around until they all merge!

Then I suggested we all go over to Rhiannon's treasure hunt, since she had it conveniently set up for... exactly the group of friends who happened to be there! Funny how that worked out, isn't it?!! She gleefully led them all over the property doing the treasure hunt she'd set up in the morning, and the final clue was...

This is the welcome sign at the Have Fun Palace.

Here they are ordering from the menu of invisible foods she created. I didn't quite understand this game, but that is the beauty of a (moderately) free-range childhood; the games are not scripted, parents seldom understand them, but the creativity is unbridled. And there is something really magical about friends. They understand and share the most eccentric activities, all growing and blossoming in the same universe, where parental input is entirely unnecessary.

And of course she even had a container of candies to share. It bothers me how desperate all the little hands look. But this is one of those times I really have to step back and remember my comments about the photo, above. It's none of my business, really.

And anyway... who am I to talk? While they were doing that, I was making appear a collection of helium balloons (see next post), a jug of Ribena, and...

...a frighteningly turquoise wizard-hat cake.

She competed with the wind to blow out her candle, and we sent the kids home with a potentially catastrophic amount of cake and icing in their tummies... at dinner time. Sorry about that, parents, but thank you for the gift of your children's joyful presence at a party that my own daughter will not soon forget!

Spontaneous Bird Dissection

As it happened, Opa showed up late one evening with a Steller's Jay that he had found caught in the rat-trap. Very unfortunate and sad, of course, but we decided not to let it go to waste. The kids each wanted a dried wing, so we cut them off to dry, and proceeded further to dissect the bird.

Tal pulling back connective tissue and membranes to find the brilliant pink lungs behind the heart.

No, we didn't take health-precautions; we didn't wear aprons or masks or even gloves. We did, at least, wash thoroughly afterwards, and sterilize the cutting board and tools we had used. Hopefully we're all fine. I'm not posting this as an example to other unschoolers, because I'm not sure at all that this was handled properly, but we all learned something, the kids found it fascinating (though Rhiannon found it very upsetting, she was glad she'd participated by the next morning), and I thought it was worth sharing. Here are the photos:

Tal cut open the gizzard to see what the jay had been eating and discovered it had been a regular in the chicken coop. Hence why it got caught in the rat-trap that was intended for the coop-invading rats, I suppose!

Tal for once was very pleased to record his finds on paper. He was especially pleased with this, because just earlier he'd been talking about the different parts of the brain, and was immediately able to find the 2 lobes of the cerebrum and the cerebellum of this bird. Click this photo to enlarge it if you want to see his diagram.

Mmmm... potions and experimental recipes...

Rhiannon has maintained for years that she wants to be a wizard when she grows up. In preparation, she is potion-maker extraordinaire. Often I lose sight of her, and find her tucked into a corner of the kitchen, the dining-room, or the porch with an assortment of ingredients and receptacles.

While Tal enjoys potion-making, too, his activities are more goal-oriented. Rhiannon has very little concern for the chemical theory behind what she does; it's all about having fun. Games. Oh yes.

Games!

Uncle Lee and Jenn are thankfully good sports, and were perfectly willing to participate in potion games with Rhiannon. Witness the bottle-squirt game, and blowing balls of dog-hair and water out of a bowl! Absolutely thrilling experiments, all of them!!!

Among the many experiments are also food experiments. Sometimes she makes them for all of us (like one particularly peculiar dessert of honey, nuts, and raisins... in a bowl of water), and sometimes she makes them just for herself. This one is from this morning's breakfast: cornflakes, pepperoni, snap peas and lemon-juice... in a bowl of milk.

She discovered that sometimes experimental cooking is best done in smaller quantities, in case the outcome is less appetizing than expected... But she followed through and ate it anyway.

Rats!

Taliesin wanted pet rats for his birthday. He is certainly getting old enough to shoulder the responsibility of a pet, so we let him do the research and planning for his intended pets. But the litter he registered for wasn't due until after his birthday, so he had to make do with chocolate-cake rats!

...but we ate those rats. He served them to his friends at his birthday party. That crown on his head is his very special 10th-birthday crown. It is our family tradition that children receive a crown for their "crown year". Taliesin's is a golden circlet with fluorite beads worked into it.

Taliesin had registered for a litter of rats that were due on or about his birthday. When he hadn't heard anything by 2 days after his birthday, he emailed the breeder, and received the devastating reply that the doe had died in labour, along with all of her babies. He was so very sad; this is him replying to the breeder with his condolences.

The breeder he'd originally chosen didn't plan any new litters, so I got on the internet and looked for new breeders. As luck would have it, we did find a lovely person on the mainland who had a litter of rats almost ready to be adopted, and one male still unspoken for. She had another male that she'd intended to keep for herself, but after hearing Tal's disappointing story she offered to sell him both together. She had originally named these two brothers Harry and Ron, but Tal changed their names to Mercury and Star. Here they are at only a few weeks old.

And here they are as teenagers! There have been a few little bumps in the road as we get to know them (rat-lice, right off the bat, and then stress-induced respiratory illness, and potty-training woes), but Tal has so far overcome each hurdle with grace and dedication. He is a very responsible rat-owner, does all the care and cleaning himself, and luckily still smitten, as they are with him. A few months ago I knew next to nothing about keeping rats, and wasn't particularly excited about the idea, but they've definitely grown on me. They're incredibly personable, intelligent, and entertaining, and I think an excellent choice of pet for a dedicated 10-year-old boy.

This is What Democracy Looks Like: Kids for Climate Action Act Out Against the Pipeline

My kids participated excitedly in this action with three of their friends. It took me a long time to post this, but thanks to the person who shot the video.

Kids for Climate Action was founded by Sophie Harrison, who also organized this flash mob, and led the progress. The children divided into "oil" and "animals", and sang as the oil marched down upon the animals, where they frolicked on the beach. Then then attacked them with water guns, until the animals died dramatically, and they sang their way back up to the laughing men sculptures.

The voice singing (first) is Ta'Kaiya Blaney, who blessed us with her beautiful song, Shallow Waters.


Kids For Climate Action

Everybody Make Tracks! Why open-ended exploration is vital to learning, progress, and evolution.

My family has a lot of Brio train tracks. Yes. A LOT. I had quite a bit when I was a child - nearly enough to reach from one end of our 40-foot-long house to the other, and my husband had a similar amount, although his was somewhat thicker due to being from the early as opposed to the late 1970's. When we had children we put our sets together and added a few new pieces (those great tight curves that didn't exist when we were little, some fancy 'skytrain' supports, and a few non-Brio compatible track pieces that are much more affordable, and just as good). Having this much Brio means that we have a great time as a family building extensive rail-systems in the livingroom, or sometimes into other rooms. And working together means that we often have issues where one person's plan is impeded by another's. This is where things actually get creative. This kind of system-building is open-ended. There are infinite ways to solve any problem, which inspires creativity, creative exploration and (when working in groups) group-problem-solving.

Even the (admittedly large) limit of our collection is a good thing, because it promotes a different kind of problem-solving: making the best out of a specific set of resources. Running into obstacles (shortage of track; cranky sister; dog knocking over hills) is one of the best motivations for finding a creative solution. And what solutions we find!!


Imagine if we all accepted that for any given problem or question there were infinite possible solutions? That any time we get stumped we can continue along the old path and keep trying again, but we can just as easily take things apart and make a new beginning on the same good path, or make an entirely new concept. We can exchange a curve for a switch; a straight for a hill, or even run extensive tracks into closed spaces and then escape them with hills, cross-tracks, and tunnels. We can run tracks up onto the couch; connect broken links with blocks, paper, or our fingers; we can turn the tracks upside down to use them differently, and create sculptures with them, sideways! There is always room for change; always opportunity to make new roads; always the possibility of a failed plan, and infinite ways to adjust those plans!

There is a huge difference between doing research on a problem where a particular answer is already commonly accepted and the research consists only of finding others' answer and documentation, vs. researching purely by postulation, observation and exploration, where either there is no commonly accepted solution, or the querant does not know of or believe in any. The first is not creative; the second is. And in my opinion, only the second holds much merit.

I just took the kids to Science World, where we saw the Da Vinci exhibit, and their newly-renovated diggs. I wasn't that impressed. I've been going to Science World since it was the Science Centre, downtown, and it seems to me that most of the actually interesting features have not changed much in the past 15 years or so. There have been plenty of additions, but many of them are more gimmicky than interesting. Or, at worst, they're just cash-grabs. For example, how does a child learn about the drawbacks of our consumerist lifestyle by sliding down a plastic slide in the middle of what appears (only from the outside; not inside the slide) to be a molded-plastic garbage-heap? No. Not good. There are a few great features, though; things which allow for open-ended experimentation and observation. Some of these are the 'golden hands' electrical circuit, the infra-red camera, which allows us to experiment endlessly with heat and cold, the water-play and damming area, and the bee exhibit, which allows us not only to watch the bees' behaviour inside, but then to go out and look at them on the outside of the building. This kind of open-ended opportunity for experimentation is what inspires the scientist in each of us.

I am routinely disappointed by "science experiments" designed for kids, where the object is simply to teach the kids some particular "fact" or "theory". What does this say of the creators' or presenters' respect for the childrens' abilities? Not much! And children know this. They know that their research is intended only to help them achieve a particular preconceived bit of learning, and that they are expected to accept and trust in the "fact" they are having demonstrated. Many children might feel patronized or even (in my case) completely insulted. At worst, they feel inadequate as scientific minds capable of discovery.

My son came back from a play date recently, and told me he was disturbed to learn that his friend was being mislead: "We played his science quiz on the computer, and one of the questions was 'God made the crops to give us food -- true or false' ... and I could only get it right by answering 'true'!!" He was rather horrified about his friend's welfare. Never mind the religious issue; what are we teaching our children by presenting them with "facts" and expecting them to learn such absolutes? My son wanted an alternative! He wanted to get the question right by answering from his own thoughts! Is that too much to ask of his world? Yes -- we all have to be tolerant of others' methods of teaching, but I really can't accept that we box our children in by expecting them to believe instead of to explore.

As an art teacher, I have taught so many students (both children and adults) who feel that they "can only draw" such-and-such, or who strive to be like other 'artists' they know of. I feel like this is a tragedy. In measuring up to others, or to others' standards, we can never reach new heights. Innovation comes from reaching outside the known universe and into the vastness of our own individual creativity. A coercive approach to teaching, even when we set up circumstances that lead our children into believing that they're discovering an idea that is in actuality preconceived (how convoluted is that?!), is disastrous to all learning, progress and evolution. Please let's give our children the best we can; let's give them the freedom not to follow us, but to lead us in their explorations. Let us ask them what they can teach us!

As Mister Rogers says, You can grow ideas in the garden of your mind!

Science Fair and Unschooling Learning Opportunity

Thomas' dancing blob! It was a mixture of cornstarch
and water which, when blasted from below with
music, actually got up and danced!

We are members of a 'learning community' that has two parts: a classroom program for 1/2-time schooling, and a full-time-homelearning program for those of us choosing complete homeschooling or full unschooling (our family, of course, fits the latter description). But we still join with the rest of the 'schooling' community for field-trips, non-competitive talent-shows, celebrations, and of course... the science fair!!

Island Discovery Learning Community's science fair was a lovely chance for children and teens to develop projects and share them with their community. Most of the projects were developed entirely at home, and many without specific direction from parents, so the children were free to research, experiment, plan and report according to their own interests. Some whole families got involved, together. Children, parents, and visitors were treated to rocket-launches, chemical reactions, running-on-goo (!), musical vibrations, and even Thomas' wayward dancing blob (directly below)! For the second year running, this non-competitive exposition of wonder and learning was a true delight. Thanks to all those who took part, who cleaned up afterwards, and to science teacher Amy for spearheading the whole thing!


The Economy of Joy
Rhiannon's project was her "Economy of Joy", which is basically a form of gift economy, and which she's been writing about on her own blog, http://economyofjoy.blogspot.com. She created a free market at the science fair, and had a few donations, a few things taken away, and of course her dandelion chocolate cupcakes were very popular. All 50-something of them vanished before too long.

This is Rhiannon's sign/poster for her free market table at the science fair. If you'd like to
read it more clearly, just click it for a bigger version!

Uncle Adrian brought a DVD to give away; it was scooped up quite quickly by some happy
Mr. Bean watcher! To the left you can see an assortment of things brought by Rhiannon and others.

Chocolate Dandelion Cupcakes! No soy, no gluten, no eggs, no dairy, no corn, no nuts (and no icing because Mama didn't want to have to wipe all the walls of the school, afterwards). She baked them all by herself, including harvesting the many many dandelions that went into them, and of course they were a big hit. It makes people happy to make other people happy!!

And of course it also makes us happy to share our hard work with other people. Rhiannon took lots of time to share her blog and her ideas with both loved ones and people she'd never met, before. And she even had encouragement to put on more free markets! Of course she was thrilled about this. :--)

Space Ship for Interstellar Space Travel
Taliesin's project was a collection of his research and inventions for a spaceship that would be capable of long-term (multi-generational), interstellar space travel. He's been working on this idea for years, creating drawings and just planning in his head, but this year he actually tried to pull many of his ideas together to show people. No small feat. This is the distilled part of years' worth of thought and energy:

Proud? Oh yes. He was proud. Click to enlarge if you want to. You could zoom in to see the project a little better -- or just to revel in the total joy on his face!!

Again -- click to enlarge and read his calculations on the dial.

Tal proudly told us after that people had asked him all sorts of questions, but that he usually had a paper somewhere to show them the answer on! It must have felt great for him to go from random messy piles of papers to such a well-organised display!

Unschooling Fail
OK -- that's not really appropriate terminology - it's more like a learning opportunity. I made a big mistake and I hope I've learned from it. I got wrapped up in my own fears.


It went like this:
As is Tal's nature, he got rather distracted with this, as each idea he researched seemed to lead him in many new directions, most of which he tried to follow up on, and there were some tense times when I forgot my unschooling intentions and started to stress about his project. The whole thing is technologically over my head, so I just let him use my computer, and checked in once in a while to be sure he'd not been co-opted by some morally repugnant google-finds. But as the science fair approached and all he had was a few disorganised heaps of paper (from which things he had spent lots of time working on just seemed to vanish, once in a while, to his dismay), I became more and more concerned that he'd have nothing to actually show at the science fair.

He claimed he couldn't make a diagram because he didn't know what sort of propulsion he wanted to use, despite the fact that he had numerous diagrams of researched and invented rocket systems. So I said 'fine -- decide that, then!' And off he went googling, again.

An hour and a half passed. "Tal?" No answer. "What are you doing?"

He was staring intensely at the screen, and I heard the droning of a man explaining something. "Sh. Mama. Sh."

I came over to look. He had tabs open about the theory of relativity, Einstein, and was watching a video about special relativity. "Tali -- I'm glad this is interesting to you, but what happened to working on your project?" (Mama is trying really hard to keep her cool, here, while her blood-pressure mounts and the flashing red NOT READY FOR SCIENCE FAIR!! lights are going off in her head...)

"Well," he says, matter-of-factly, "I'm just figuring out warp-drive."

I lost my cool. "WARP-drive?" You've been researching all kinds of rockets, and now you take a giant tangent over to WARP-drive???! That's a whole new project by itself!! You already have research on a bunch of other propulsion methods; can't you just choose one of those?!!"

A familiar look of hurt and frustration crossed his face, and I felt instantly SO so guilty. "OK." He said.

I watched my son's crushed spirit slip away back to his antimatter drive. I just killed something in him and there is no forgiveness in me for this kind of trespass. "I'm sorry. Please. Just do whatever you want. There's nothing wrong with warp-drive." I tried to redeem myself by spending the next hour or so actively engaging us both in warp research, and actually, for the first time in my life, understood relativity to some meager extent, with the help of my 10-year-old son. Then I took the opportunity to show him some science-fair photos on google and explain that a nice tidy-looking display can really help people to navigate the information, especially when there's so much of it. He listened. But then I stepped back and decided not to involve myself in the project anymore.

I know my stressing over this goes against everything I want for my kids, and I just can't seem to let go of my own fears. So I let them lead. Sure enough; Tal got going about 3 days before the science fair, and managed to pull off a pretty awesome display in those 3 days. He had a facebook conversation with our friend Besh (who also happens to be a very cool scientist, and interested in colonizing Mars), and this inspired him so much that he decided to turn his project into a book so he can send it to Besh. This helped a lot with getting the thing done, and readable.

So yes. Not for the first time, I messed up big time on the unschooling front, but my son's tolerance saved the day.

New Blogs of Loved Ones!

Here I present two beautiful new blogs for you to peruse (and seriously, this blog's not gone -- I'll get the photos into all belated posts and post them here soon -- I promise!!!).

The Wet Edge:
"The Wet Edge" refers to the most-recently-brushed edge of wet varnish - a point of high concentration (zen??) when applying the seemingly infinite layers of varnish to the bright-work of a boat. Watch as our very dear friends Suki, Jon, Kai and Hunter travel down the west coast on their 44' sailboat. They've pulled the kids out of school and are fully life-learning, now. And this amazing adventure is just the way to do it. It's a fabulous read, so far, and they've only just begun!

The Economy of Joy:
Basically this is Rhiannon's new term for a gift-economy.
I can hardly express how proud I am of my daughter for her blog! She not only conceived of this idea herself, but has put enormous effort into researching, studying, inventing, and expressing her many discoveries and ideas on the topic. With a little guidance from me on how to set up a blog, she set it up, designed it, and conceived and made every part of it herself. Now all I do is watch the posts come in!
In some ways it's obviously the blog of a 7-year-old, but it's heartwarming to see her positive outlook to a peaceful future for humanity, and her ideas (both collected and invented by her) are encouraging for all of us.

Unschooling Math

This is a topic that gives our family a good deal of stress. Simply because it's so obvious to us (parents) that, if our kids would just get interested in math, they'd understand their other interests so much more deeply! Very frustrating.

And here I make my terrible unschooler's confession: I coerce them to do math workbooks.

*gasp!*

Coercion never works. My daughter does the work because she wants to (she ADORES worksheets of any variety!) and my son simply refuses, while submitting to the odd worksheet, here and there, from which he gains precious little -- because it's coerced. BUT... as it turned out, he did manage to learn long division with the help of one of those pages, and, after months of constant prodding from his school-going friend ("did you know math is my best subject?", "I'm really really good at math, you know.", and "Do you even know what long division is??") he was so proud of himself that he went on to finish the section and is now working on measurement. Still. The spark of inspiration is definitely not there.

We've had some great conversations in our daily life, and there's enough interest in those (eg. exponential theory, physics, measurement, negatives and decimal theory), but the simple practice that seems to bring facility with those theories is definitely lacking.

Until...
We talked about alien technologies. You just never know where the light will come from!
Thanks to my brother, we ended up watching this movie about crop circles, busted out the compasses and graph paper, the rulers, and pencil sharpeners, and...

Voila: math is now unschooled. Er. I mean. Inspired.

You don't have to care about aliens or crop circles to find this movie fascinating. The forms and math involved, and the way they're laid out in the movie (with alien theory!) are pretty enticing.
Enjoy!

Raw Milk Rage or What's Wrong With Milk?

We are involved in the raw milk issue. Because we want to drink it.

Our raw milk provider (we have been participating in a local herd-share) has been targeted and attacked by health Canada. They are prosecuting and trying to put it and other raw milk dairies out of business. A month or two ago I sent a letter to Leona Aglukkaq, Canada's Minister of Health, regarding my desire to see raw milk legalized, and for them to stop harassing those who make the food we want possible for us. Her response, below, shows the sort of blindness that our public officials have for our health and for science. They work for the people who fund their campaigns and paycheques. And, despite all those taxes we pay, that's not us.

Read her letter, here (click to enlarge if it's too small to read, here). And then read my response, below.

My response:

A Public Letter to Leona Aglukkaq, Minister of Health Canada,
in response to her letter, visible at https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjr8iZPyb-rbU8oorohb7n9YvbQqwtU5tqk_lcOUdGFCfMNwI_T_HzK85tvzsbIEuaOE-hMR18eSuLNVj_xnU0zF0SKL7HjTznt3jVMcmcBDDx0Ja9Qj776tIztAkE92dFxphXER3ceEbM/s1600/health-canada-response-about-raw-milk.png

Well thank you for your predictable, closed-minded, and short-sighted response.
I expect you will immediately be outlawing honey, tunafish, all poultry, all processed meats, and all other foodstuffs that have been shown to carry the risk of contamination by those same common pathogens. In short order we should be allowed a diet of pure chlorine bleach, since it is one of the only things currently found in our diets that does not, in fact, risk harbouring these bacteria (yes -- chlorine bleach is used to sterilize the chickens you allow us to consume, and, despite claims that it dissipates before consumption, it does leave traces on the food and in the packaging).

I will take your letter public, now, and, instead of depending upon you to protect my food sources, out you as a supporter of the dairy corporations, who find it reasonable to squash small farmers and endanger the public health with false claims that their milk (sic) is healthy.

It is now becoming common knowledge that most of the beneficial nutrients found in milk are destroyed through the pasteurization process. The milk which you allow us to consume is sourced from various farms in various countries, to maximize the profits of the large dairies that produce it. It is not fresh, it is not very well regulated, and sometimes it is not even pure milk. The mixing of milk and cream from various sources requires the dairies to homogenize the milk, which makes the fat molecules so small that they pass through our veins and cause blood-clots and other life-threatening damage. So you tell us to consume low-fat milk, to minimize our ingestion of these smaller fat molecules, but still promote the consumption of cream, butter, and cheese. But I assume this does not concern you. It is, after all, more important that you support those people who pay for your position of authority; not the public.

I have been drinking raw milk for 6 months, and was happy to find my health returning, as I, who have a compromised immune system and small children, was not sick during that time, following many years where I contracted a virus every month or so.

Thank you for your response. It will allow me to show publicly how little you do for us.
Emily van Lidth de Jeude

Kids, Included

This is perhaps a little bit obvious to most unschoolers, but I just have to put this out there: The absolute best way to educate a child is to allow that child to experience life - to be included.

That means:
Take them with you. Welcome them at town-hall meetings, in social settings, in business settings, at fancy restaurants and at late-night neighbourhood parties. Welcome them at mealtimes, working times, playtimes, in your bed at night, and while you are taking a bath. Allow them to experience the security of being always welcome. Show them your humanity and allow them to feel human, too. They look to you to show them what it is they will grow up to be like, so be everything as beautiful as you dream of, and welcome them in to share it with you.


SEX AND VIOLENCE
Obviously there are some things that may be inappropriate for young children. But for the most part, we need to welcome children into our adult world. And really -- if things are so violent or overtly sexual that they may harm a child's psyche, what are they doing to our own? Is it healthy for us to be witnessing or participating in those activities? Experiencing violence has been shown to cause permanent changes to the brain, which may in fact influence a culture for centuries to come (1). So can we extrapolate that an increasing percentage of our population, while having grown up in a relatively violence-free physical community, is in fact suffering from various forms of violence-induced stress, physical and mental illness? I think so.

For my part, I avoid violent media regardless, because I am aware of the effects it has on my own psyche. It's not difficult, in that case, to ensure my children's psychological safety, when they're in my company.

On the rare occasion that we do witness or hear about violent or other upsetting acts (usually on the news), we take time to discuss with our children the act itself, the context and ramifications, and every other issue that might arise, at any length they desire, as often as needed. I feel that being open to discussion - to educate them - is the best way to keep them emotionally safe from the reality of violence in their world.

Finding intimacy with partners can seem challenging when we want our children to be always welcome in our presence. But I think that a moderate level of intimacy is perfectly acceptable for children to witness; it lets them know that this is normal. Parents kiss. They love each other and they comfort, caress, and care for each other. We explain to our children that it makes us feel shy if they see us making love, so for that reason we do it in private, but we are willing to talk to them about anything they are curious about, and encourage them to ask questions. It's not always easy for us to be so open, but I know that the physical, emotional and sexual behaviours we model will be the foundation of their own future relationships (2), so it's vital that we allow them to learn from us rather than from whatever they might find in the media. It therefore also behoves us to ensure that our relationship is as healthy as possible, not only for our sake, but for theirs, as well.


KIDS WOULD BE BORED
I think there's a misconception that children will be uncomfortable or bored by our activities. To some extent that may be true, but often it is not. Often children are not given the chance to discover for themselves whether they're interested, and often they're shamed into not participating by adults who are intolerant of their sometimes noisy presence. This isn't the children's fault; it's ours.

I think it's up to us, as their role models, to welcome them into our circles; to help them engage in and enjoy the experiences. It is up to us to ensure that they have plentiful opportunities for participatory learning. For example, it is one thing to do online and library research on astronomy; it is quite another to go out at 11PM with the local astronomy club and look at Jupiter's moons through the telescope of a neighbour. The feeling of engagement and inspiration that comes from that community-based learning experience is the spark needed to make that astronomy knowledge valuable.

Yes, kids may indeed be bored when we bring them to board meetings for societies whose goals or activities they do not understand. But my experience tells me that if they are involved in the societies, and if we take time to explain to them the meaning and necessity of the conversation, they may actually become interested. During one of the Occupy meetings at the Vancouver Art Gallery, my daughter was getting bored, so my husband offered to take the kids off for a walk. 9-year-old Taliesin didn't want to go. "No. Sh." He muttered, and returned his attention to the conversation being held. It was a rather dry group discussion about consensus decision-making and meeting protocol -- but it interested him! Neither of us expected him to care; we just took our kids along with us because we take them pretty much everywhere with us. But it turned out to be one of the most inspirational experiences of this season, for him. At other times he hasn't been so interested in the conversations at Occupy, but his involvement there this autumn has given him the chance, at least, to have felt his presence was valued, and I think that's vitally important.


WHERE THE LEARNING GROWS
My Mum has just begun a 4-week Canadian Folksong workshop -- for all ages. This past week as I sat (coincidentally, at her knee) with my daughter, singing the songs with her and generally enjoying the workshop, one of the participating parents asked how I had learned all of those songs from her, and I was rather at a loss to explain. She did come in and teach some at my school when I was a child, but by then I already knew them. I just learned them by living with her. We sang for entertainment while cooking, while walking, and on car-trips. And, since folk music is her interest, we accompanied her to traditional folk events, and sat around while she sang and performed with friends. That was just simply our life! I became interested in traditional folksong, too, and my brother did, to a lesser extent. But I blame his keen interest in human history on the traditional stories she passes on to us. And of course, now I bring my kids to everything I do, including music gatherings. There isn't a method to it; it's just life.

Learning does not come from an orchestrated input of information into our children's brains; it comes from their own navigation of the things that interest them. I think most of us know that, but do we understand it? Do we realize that learning does not necessarily involve a core of expected knowledge, or even any outcome at all, but that learning is actually a very un-orchestrated opening-of-the-mind? Learning is what happens when we feel. That feeling can involve any or all of our senses, and emotions, but that feeling is essential for the learning to happen. We talk about tactile learners, visual learners, auditory learners, etc. Those are ways of feeling! So when a child feels safe, accepted, and welcome to feel and express whatever s/he experiences, then the opportunity to feel is full, and s/he can learn. Dr. Candy Lawson states that "Emotions are the relay stations between sensory input and thinking. (3)"


SELF ESTEEM
If we make our children welcome in the most austere intellectual conversations, we give them the feeling of being valued for their intellect. If we make our children welcome when we socialize, then they know they are a part of our community; they know they are our friends. If we make our children welcome when we play, we let them know that they are a part of our life's happiness. If we make our children welcome in the cooking, cleaning, and repairing of our home, then they will know that the home is also of them (4). If we make our children welcome when we eat, sleep, and bathe, they will know that they are integral to our very existence.

Self esteem goes much deeper than knowing that we are good, beautiful, and comparatively smart. In fact, comparison of any kind is probably detrimental to self esteem (5). Self esteem comes from the feeling of acceptance in our communities; of knowing that we are valued simply for our presence. And our children's involvement in our communities is obviously vital for that value to be perceived.



References: 
(1) The Lingering Effects of Violence; William Harm. University of Chicago Tribune, December 1996. http://chronicle.uchicago.edu/961205/violence.shtml


(2) Unpacking Authoritative Parenting: Reassessing a Multidimensional Construct; Marjory Roberts Gray; Laurence Steinberg. Journal of Marriage and the Family, Vol. 61, No. 3. (Aug., 1999). Download PDF: http://www.google.com/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=web&cd=3&ved=0CDQQFjAC&url=http%3A%2F%2Fdigilib.bc.edu%2Freserves%2Fpy447%2Faver%2Fpy44718.pdf&ei=STrTTomHLqmLiAKH0_3kCw&usg=AFQjCNEC_eoDhV6JXVVwG-6G0pJP6NG2CA&sig2=3Cptn5Xopvrm4MPt1Q7msg


(3) The Connections Between Emotions and Learning; Dr. Candy Lawson, Ph.D. Center for Development and Learning, LA. http://www.cdl.org/resource-library/articles/connect_emotions.php

(4) Tony's Hard Work Day; Alan Arkin. Illustrated by James Stevenson. Harper & Row, 1972. This is really just a shout out for one of my all-time favourite books. My Pappa gave it to me when I was very young, and it always made me feel like I was valued for my small contributions to our home. http://openlibrary.org/books/OL21380633M/Tony%27s_hard_work_day

(5) The Case Against Competition; Alfie Kohn. 1987. http://www.alfiekohn.org/parenting/tcac.htm


Other Resources:
Repeated Exposure to Media Violence Is Associated with Diminished Response in an Inhibitory Frontolimbic Network; Christopher R. Kelly, Jack Grinband, Joy Hirsch. PLoS One, December 2007. http://www.plosone.org/article/info%3Adoi%2F10.1371%2Fjournal.pone.0001268

Children Exposed to Violence; Linh Vuong, Fabiana Silva, Susan Marchionna. Views from the National Council on Crime and Delinquency, August 2009. Download PDF: http://www.google.com/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=web&cd=9&ved=0CHMQFjAI&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.nccd-crc.org%2Fnccd%2Fdnld%2FHome%2Ffocus0809.pdf&ei=nr3STufgJ8WLiAKezpCIDA&usg=AFQjCNGjxIB3eXTiOsXev-zZuq6nnilkvg&sig2=e2xW0fV--6JxfB2lbAUjgA

Violence, Media (Position Paper); American Academy of Family Physicians. 2010. http://www.aafp.org/online/en/home/policy/policies/v/violencemedia.html

Consumerism, Children, and Mothers Against Television

Many of the people who arrive at this blog from Google searches are coming for the articles I once wrote, calling for Mothers Against TV: (read here)

The call was so controversial that I actually lost a good friend because of it, and I left it behind. However, I still meet people quite often who are either alarmed or thrilled that my kids don't watch TV; that they aren't aware of current trends and popular brands. So... just for those of you who came here for this information, watch the important documentary below (full-screen it, sit back, and make some non-GMO popcorn... ha).

And yes, my kids are happy, busy, and educated. When given the option to watch TV, one of them wanders off, and the other stares intently until the thing is turned off. However neither of them misses TV, advertising, malls, brands, or processed food in their daily lives. How have we achieved this? Simply by living it; by rejecting all forms of advertising in our children's lives: cartoons, Scholastic, TV, processed food, Fast Food Chains, popular (cheap plastic) toys like Barbie and Nintendo, video games, candy, and pop music. We just don't do it.

Of course we can't cut out everything, but we cut out most. And what we can't avoid, we can use as a teaching tool. Our kids have been made very aware of marketing in their world, and, especially for my 9-year-old, I don't think much gets by unnoticed.

Here's the movie:
Consuming Kids: The Commercialization of Childhood

WARNING: DO NOT WATCH THIS WITH YOUR KIDS

This documentary contains a segment about screen violence that is EXTREMELY gory and upsetting. It is too much for me to watch, myself. I would NEVER show it to my children.

The Shocking Truth about the Crackdown on Occupy

In her article published in the Guardian, Naomi Wolf writes, "In other words, for the DHS to be on a call with mayors, the logic of its chain of command and accountability implies that congressional overseers, with the blessing of the White House, told the DHS to authorise mayors to order their police forces – pumped up with millions of dollars of hardware and training from the DHS – to make war on peaceful citizens."

I am grateful for this article (and hundreds more like it) because, like all of us, I am affected deeply by the implications of the throttling of our media, and brave writers like Naomi Wolf are guiding us out of this stranglehold. The photo associated with this article is of Brandon (Romania) Watts -- I watched him being brutally beated, crushed, undressed and hauled away by the cops on livestream, as I was watching the OWS event where it happened. This incident, as well as the rest described in the article, as well as the article itself, is why social media and brave reporters are now more important than ever. Because we're realizing that we need to know the truth, and we (the people) need to depend upon each other to find it.


Read the article.
The Shocking Truth about the Crackdown on Occupy

Occupy Christmas: Buy Nothing Day and our Gift-Free Christmas

Our Christmas tree, a few years ago.

As many are already aware, today is Buy Nothing Day -- Adbusters Magazine's call to action against Black Friday -- purportedly the busiest shopping day of the Christmas season.

Since my family rarely buys anything anyway, this day doesn't mean a whole lot to us, but I thought I'd post here about our Christmas plans for the year. We are going gift-free, this year. In past years we've elected to go on a family outing instead of exchanging gifts among those of our household, but we still exchanged gifts with others in the family (grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, close friends, etc.) Although I personally love giving and receiving gifts, and cherish many of the thoughtful gifts given to us by those we love, we are literally inundated with these beautiful things each year, so that we now spend days going through our belongings every year, choosing things to give away to make way for the new -- and often that's very hard to do! So we end up packing things away into the attic, under the beds, into the office and the studio, etc. The outcome of this, of course, is that we are now suffocating in our belongings.

We love the gestures of those who love us. And the objects they give us are usually very meaningful and/or useful. We love spending time giving gifts and watching those we care about (hopefully) enjoy their gifts. We love this time so much that I've spent the last few years creating cloth wrapping bags (as needed) so that we could have a beautiful assortment of wrapped gifts sitting under the tree, without having wasted paper, in the end.

But the time has come for us to receive no more. This year we want to cherish the time with those people, talking, singing, sharing and feeling each other's presence. My family has always done this, so it won't be much of a change, but we'll have to find some activity to take the place of the usual Christmas morning exchange with our family. We have some ideas about this, such as sharing stories, songs, or poems, watching a slideshow of old family photos, etc. but none of these has been received with much enthusiasm, so far. We'll have to see what transpires as December unfurls.

I look forward to doing a little more baking, this year, and making a few more fir-bough-garlands to decorate the house. I hope that the time not spent shopping and wrapping will be as valuable as I imagine it will.

What is Occupy About?

I thought this very short clip put it quite simply:

The Next Stage of the Occupy Movement

Michael Stone speaks in Vancouver about where the Occupy Movement is headed. What is our aim, as a movement? How will we work through our anger at the systems, at the evictions, at each other, and find our strength in peace?

"We won't give them demands because we're articulating a much bigger dream, and we won't give them violence because we're taking care of our anger."

"Don't be afraid to talk about love. Don't be afraid to talk about kindness."